CHRISTIANS DON'T LET CHRISTIANS... OR, What Christians Should Not Do To One Another

by Greg Gay
Christian's Expositor Journal
Winter 2006

"Friends don't let friends drive drunk," is our society's appeal to compassion in trying to eliminate the tragedy and sorrow that accompanies drunk driving. The theory of the appeal is that friends will care enough for their friends to prevent them from doing something that will endanger themselves and others.

The same appeal for compassion rings true in the church. As Christians we are to spend time together, and hopefully, the vast majority of our interactions are positive, encouraging, and help build us up in the "most holy faith" (Jude 20). Unfortunately, sometimes, our exchanges must center on discernment, wisdom, judgment, and courage like when a brother needs to correct their behavior or to make amends for some slight or wrong. Hopefully, when these times arise, we act from compassion and do what a Christian should—face these times with courage and faith in God's system, being willing to love enough to make gentle suggestions, or even to discipline or chastise if necessary. We must never want to harm one another, though.

We do have a responsibility for each other's welfare. Long ago God asked the murderer Cain where his brother Able had gone. Cain's cold-hearted lie is forever haunting and convicting: "And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel your brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper?" (Genesis 4:9).

What did Cain do wrong in the exchange with his brother? He killed him! That is a simple lesson, yet one we may be slow to learn and apply. Although we do not physically kill one another, it is possible that we slay innocent children of God by how we conduct ourselves.

Jesus warns about offending God's children: "At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, 'Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?' Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, 'Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea,'" (Matthew 18:1-6, NKJV).

Our goal in our relationships in the church should always be as Paul stated, "Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another" (Romans 14:19). Obviously, the opposite of peace is war, and the opposite of edifying (building up) is tearing each other down. Even with the intent of promoting peace and edification, we must still be willing to face difficult issues in ourselves and others. "Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:1-2).

The dangers in the church often lie in the extreme positions we can take on any given subject. The extreme view of positive "one another's" in the church can become the worldly ''live and let live," "come as you are," "many paths to heaven," mentality. The extreme of the negative "one another's" in the church can lead to interpreting every change as the end of the church as we know it. Surely the best course is somewhere in between unless God's Word tells, exemplifies, or implies otherwise. To that end, God in His wisdom has given us guidance in some things we must do and not do to one another. This article focuses on a potpourri of things we must not do to one another in the Lord's church.

Ignore Truth We must not forsake truth in doctrine, beliefs, or in conversation when dealing with one another: "Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds" (Colossians 3:9). Just as it is possible to speak a lie, it is also possible to deceive others spiritually. Doctrinal lies have been a threat to the church since the beginning.

"But there were also false prophets among the people, even as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Lord who bought them, and bring on themselves swift destruction. And many will follow their destructive ways, because of whom the way of truth will be blasphemed. By covetousness they will exploit you with deceptive words; for a long time their judgment has not been idle, and their destruction does not slumber" (2 Peter 2:1-3).

Paul reminds us, "Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor: for we are members one of another" (Ephesians 4:25).

Evil Speaking We should not hastily believe evil about others. James writes, "Do not speak evil of one another, brethren. He who speaks evil of a brother and judges his brother, speaks evil of the law and judges the law But if you judge the law you are not a doer of the law but a judge" (James 4:11). When we presume to speculate about the motives of others rather than actions and react based on known, observable behaviors, we violate the intent of this passage.

Gripe, Gripe, Gripe We should not be people who only look for things in the church and others' lives about which to complain. "Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest you be condemned: behold, the judge stands before the door" (James 5:9). Instead of "grudge," other translations use words like complain, murmur, and grumble. It is not easy to stay joyful and cheerful around others who only complain all of the time. Some people can suck the joy out of a room with just scowl, before they even open their mouth. Nothing we will ever face can compare with what Jesus faced. Yet, when Jesus was in the shadow of the cross, He still had joy in His heart regarding His relationship with God and optimism about the future: "But now I come to You, and these things I speak in the world, that they may have My joy fulfilled in themselves" (John 17:13).

Blocks In the Path We must not trip anyone on our path to heaven. "So then each of us shall give account of himself to God. Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother's way" (Romans 14:12-13, NKJV). All of us can easily stumble and fall (Hebrews 12:1) so we need to look out for one another's welfare.

Pride We must not become overwhelmed by our own "greatness": "Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion" (Romans 12:16, NKJV). Solomon writes, "Pride goes before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud" (Proverbs 16:18-19). It is so sad when pride gets in the way of God's truths. Saul was only great as long as he was little in his own sight (1 Samuel 15:17). When pride fills a heart, problems are sure to follow. "Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another" (Galatians 5:26, NKJV). Remember, envy was the sin Pilate recognized in the Jews who wanted to crucify Jesus (Matthew 27:18).

Spiritual Problems We must not attempt to solve spiritual problems in a worldly way. Paul writes to Corinth: "Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unrighteous, and not before the saints? Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world will be judged by you, are you unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Do you not know that we shall judge angels? How much more, things that pertain to this life? If then you have judgments concerning things pertaining to this life, do you appoint those who are least esteemed by the church to judge? I say this to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you, not even one, who will be able to judge between his brethren? 6But brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers! Now therefore, it is already an utter failure for you that you go to law against one another. Why do you not rather accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourselves be cheated? No, you yourselves do wrong and cheat, and you do these things to your brethren!" (1 Corinthians 6:1-8, NKJV).

Obviously, if someone breaks into the church building we should involve the world's authorities. But, we do not contact a court of law to decide whether or not baptism is essential to salvation. We do not have to take a poll in the neighborhood to decide whether or not to have Bible classes or Sunday school. We do not negotiate over whether or not it is acceptable to preach that grace ever means "once saved, always saved."

Careless With Doctrine We cannot be a people who are doctrinally careless with one another. Paul warns our Galatian brethren, "But if you bite and devour one another, take heed that you be not consumed one of another" (Galatians 5:15). Usually, when we use this verse we say, "See, we need to be tolerant of each other!" Actually the contextual setting of this verse is a discussion about NOT being tolerant of false doctrine. Here is some more of the chapter:

"You ran well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth? This persuasion does not come from Him who calls you. A little leaven leavens the whole lump. I have confidence in you, in the Lord, that you will have no other mind; but he who troubles you shall bear his judgment, whoever he is. And I, brethren, if I still preach circumcision, why do I still suffer persecution? Then the offense of the cross has ceased. I could wish that those who trouble you would even cut themselves off! For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!" (Galatians 5:7-15 NKJV)

The brethren in question needed to stop bickering over the false doctrine of circumcision. They needed to confront the problem, get rid of it, and get on with being who they should be. Continually dealing with the infiltration of false doctrine can rob a congregation of it purpose, strength, and energy to fight the good fight.

Long ago Isaiah talked about the problem of people who did not want to face God's truths in their lives. "That this is a rebellious people, lying children, children that will not hear the law of the LORD: Which say to the seers, 'See not'; and to the prophets, 'Prophesy not unto us right things, speak unto us smooth things, prophesy deceits'" (Isaiah 30:9-10). When brethren want to hear only "nice" sermons or when publications want to present only "pleasant" articles, this verse always comes to my mind.

Hopefully, these reminders of things we are not to do to one another or with one another can be helpful to all. Rather than just ignore problems in the church or in one another's lives, we should love each other enough to have the courage and strength to speak up. "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful" (Proverbs 27:6).

Finally, please consider this simple list of things that we are not to do to one another:
• We should not ignore unfaithfulness to God.
• We should not ignore sin.
• We should not pretend everything is OK, when it is not.
• We should not encourage wrong on top of wrong.
• We should not manipulate the innocent or naive for our own purposes.
• No one should attempt to lord it over God's people, whether through show of force or of passive aggressiveness.
• We should not presume others are not smart enough to know what we are saying or doing.
• We should not forget to be thankful for all the blessings that are ours.
• We must not forget our own beams in the search for motes.
• We must not forget we need to continually work on self-improvement.
• Lastly, let us all remember, the church is Christ's, and not ours. We must treasure the church and the members of the church with all of our hearts.

"Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently" (I Peter 1:22).

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